Words Will Never Describe My Pain
by Priestess Yuki-hime-sama
Summary: My world is falling to pieces. I know that at this moment, I have nobody. I don't have family, or friends, or anybody. A/N: Could be rated higher because of suicidal thoughts and later actions. Also this will contain 4 chapters.


**This is for the Xmas Secret Santa Exchange 2014! This story is written for ****reminiscent-afterthought I hope you like it, enjoy!**

**P.S. Dawn does not have multiple personality disorder. What you will see in this story is different point of views of her own thoughts. She is thinking this, but we see the bad thoughts, the good thoughts, and more of herself ****oriented. It is kind of hard to explain. When you read the story you will know.**

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><p>I couldn't believe it. I don't want to believe it. My eyes must be deceiving me. I came to school shocked. I knew she told me on the phone what was happening, but I couldn't believe it. My heart wouldn't believe it. My brain wouldn't believe it. There in the hallway of my school, I see my best friend holding hands with my best guy friend. Zoey and Paul were officially together.<p>

I never told her how much I liked him. I never told her because I thought she would judge me just like every other kid at this school. I never in all my life could have guessed she liked him either. For she never talked of him in that manner before. But I should have seen it coming. I should have seen it.

My world is falling to pieces. I know that at this moment, I have nobody. I don't have family, or friends, or anybody. I am completely alone. Now that Zoey and Paul are an item, I will be the last thing on either of their minds.

I was a fool for thinking that Paul could ever like me. I was a blind fool.

_He never should have been your friend in the first place._

_**You both are lucky to have each other in the other's life.**_

I was a fool for loving Paul. I thought in my stupid, whimsical thoughts that he could love me back. I have loved him for years. He was the only one besides Zoey that I could count on. He was one of the only ones who didn't leave me.

_They never should have been your friends in the first place._

_**You deserve them as your friends. They love being with you.**_

"Hey Dawn!" yelled Zoey motioning for her friend to come over there.

"Hey Zoey. Hey Paul," said Dawn trying to hide her true feelings with a smile.

"Hey Paul, can Dawn and I have a moment alone?" asked Zoey.

"Sure, I'll catch up with you later. See you later Dawn," nodded Paul as he left on his way to class.

When Paul was out of reach, Zoey said, "I can't believe this is happening!"

"Neither can I," Dawn gulped nervously, "When did this happen? You never said you liked him before."

"I know, and I'm sorry," said Zoey, "but I didn't want to tell you yet. I didn't want it to make our friendship awkward."

"It's no problem," Dawn said shaking her head.

"Are we still on for the movie tonight though?"

"No, I'm sorry but Paul wanted to take me out tonight. How 'bought some other time?" asked Zoey.

"Sure, that's fine with me."

I knew this would happen. I knew she would leave me.

Ring, Ring, Ring

"Great! I'll see you after class, ok?" asked Zoey.

"Yeah, sure thing," said Dawn hoping her true feelings weren't showing.

Dawn started on her walk to her homeroom. As she was walking she could see it. Nobody ever talked to her. It was like she was invisible to them. She was ostracized and ignored by everyone at this school. At times like this she wished she took her grandmother's offer to go to a different school. But this was the best school in the state, and she knew if she stayed there she would be able to go to her dream college.

_You don't deserve to go to college. You are a pathetic excuse for a person._

_**You are an incredible person. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.**_

I don't understand why no one likes me. I try to fit in, but I guess I can't. I hate being different. I hate it.

_**But you love it. You love being different.**_

I know I love being different. I thought being different was a good thing. I didn't want to be like everybody else.

_Well, that's a lie, being different is a terrible thing._

_**It is a wonderful thing. It's what makes you who you are.**_

I wish I could have friends. Everyone has friends. I don't understand why I don't. What makes me so different from everyone else? Why am I the only one who doesn't have friends? What can I do to get them? I've tried everything. I guess I'm just not good enough.

I don't even deserve to have the few people I have as friends now.

_You don't deserve to have friends._

_**You deserve to have friends.**_

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><p>Lunch approached quickly. Dawn went to the cafeteria, but she couldn't find any of her friends. Then, she saw them. Zoey was sitting with some of her other friends and so was Paul. Both of them gave her an apologetic look, but Dawn reciprocated with a smile saying it was all right. She ended up sitting in a corner in the far back of the lunchroom. She sat alone. No one looked at her even though they knew she was there.<p>

I wish I had friends.

She pulled out her journal and started writing. She wrote in it everyday faithfully. She had many for she started writing in one since she was ten.

Words will never describe my pain. I don't understand what is wrong with me. I wish I knew what so I could fix it. I've never felt so alone in my life, but I can't believe I never saw it coming. It had to come, for I did not deserve happiness. I do not deserve love or friendship or even life. I never thought I would feel this way. I always thought I would have my friends forever, and we would have a happy life. But what a fool I was.

Ring, Ring, Ring

Lunch was over. As all the people left the cafeteria, there was only Dawn standing alone and walking by herself.

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><p>School was soon over. Dawn walked home from school since it wasn't far. She was dreading to go back home. School, even though she was ostracized, was her only safe haven from her home.<p>

Dawn unlocked the front door and said, "Mom, I'm home."

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><p><strong>AN: I hope you enjoyed the story reminiscent-afterthought! This is going to be a four-chapter story; so, stay tuned ;)**


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